


Oh, Stretch, Your Love For Me

by Inebri



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Crack, M/M, Ostrich racing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-29
Updated: 2016-10-29
Packaged: 2018-08-27 16:41:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8409004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Inebri/pseuds/Inebri
Summary: "No, no. TWO ostriches. TWO. Racing, TWO.""Bones, I don't think repeatedly giving the man the gesture for 'up yours' is going to help."





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [M493](https://archiveofourown.org/users/M493/gifts).



> written Apr 19th, 2015.
> 
> "i wanna write jimbones. gimme a prompt."
> 
> "ostrich racing."
> 
> and thus a crackfic was born

 

 

"No, no. TWO ostriches. TWO. Racing, TWO."

 

"Bones, I don't think repeatedly giving the man the gesture for 'up yours' is going to help."

 

Leonard glares at Jim to shut up, then puts his hands together in a pleading gesture to the perplexed Iranian blinking at him. "Look, man, we just need two of your fine birds for a race, alright? How many credits is that?"

 

Jim puts a hand on his CMO's shoulder and gently pushes him away.

 

"Jim, what--"

 

"Bones, let me." Jim takes a breath and the sudden torrent of Persian spilling from his lips shouldn't have taken Leonard by surprise. How could he have forgotten about Jim's hobby of learning random languages for fun? He was far from fluent, but the man at least nodded in a few places and eventually led them to two large ostriches.

 

Leonard gulps. The birds were bigger than he thought. One of them ducks to stare at him, and Leonard backs a step.

 

"She seems to like you."

 

"I don't think the feeling's mutual."

 

Jim pats him on the back good-naturedly. "Cheer up Bones!"

 

"Let's just get this bet over with. One lap, right?" Leonard grumbles, stepping aside so the Iranian man could bustle about and prepare their ostriches for the race. "Remember, if I win, you're eating the new ship diet for a month. You're lacking in important vitamins."

 

"Eurgh, vegetables." Jim makes a face. "But! Don't forget, if I win, I'm getting that kiss."

 

Leonard groans.

 

Fifteen minutes later has them on a crude makeshift racetrack. It's probably seen better days - the hot tarmac is cracked in many places and there are holes everywhere. For a moment Leonard worries that the ostriches might get hurt, but they seem unperturbed... in fact, they seem a whole lot more eager for what's coming than Jim and Leonard combined.

 

"Ready, Bones?"

 

"Hell no. If I fall and break my neck, I'm suing you out of your pension, Jim." Leonard crouches low in his saddle, keeping a tight grip on the handles. His ride swivels her head around to blink at him.

 

The Iranian man holds up three fingers, then two, then one... and they're off!

 

Jim naturally takes the lead, of course. He rides the ostrich hard, weaving the animal around potholes like one would a racecar. Leonard curses and tries to get his ride to go faster, but she seems reluctant to go around potholes and Leonard had to coax her around gently every time.

 

Jim’s excited whooping echoes from ahead of him. Leonard rolls his eyes and pats his ride between her wings and she squawks softly, sharing his sentiment. She eventually picks up speed though, gaining on Jim... until a hidden pothole take Leonard by surprise and he had to pull on the saddle to avoid it.

 

Instead of stopping though, his ostrich leaps over the pothole, long legs stretching in the air. Everything seems to go in slow motion.

 

When they finally landed, Leonard is a few meters ahead of Jim, to the surprise of them both. Leonard learns quickly then that his ostrich likes to go _over_ potholes instead of around them, and with every leap she gains more and more meters away from Jim.

 

Leonard hazards a look over his shoulder. Jim's expression is priceless. Leonard laughs.

 

"Tell me Jim! Do you prefer brussel sprouts, or asparagus?"

 

"Neither!" Jim growls back, ducking his head and nudging his ostrich to go faster.

 

"Well you have to choose one, because--" Leonard's eyes widen when he sees Jim about to attempt something dangerous. "Jim, no!"

 

Too late. Jim took a gamble and tried to get his bird to jump by pulling on the saddle.

 

He had pulled too hard.

 

Leonard watches in horror as Jim topples backward into the ground, narrowly missing his ostrich's scrambling claws and falling hard on his right shoulder. He screams in pain.

 

Leonard feels panic rising in him but he quickly gets it under control. He pulls carefully on his saddle to avoid the same thing happening to himself. His ostrich mercifully obeys, slowing to a stop, but as soon as Leonard jumps off, she sees her fellow bird running free and runs off to join the fun. The Iranian man chases after them, yelling in Persian.

 

Rushing to Jim's side, Leonard does a few quick assessments. "Jim, you dislocated your shoulder." The younger man whimpers, sweating more from the pain than the hot Iranian sun. "Hold still, darlin'. I can fix this, but you have to trust me."

 

Jim scrunches his eyes shut. "Bones, it hurts, fuck."

 

"I know, darlin', I know." Bones soothes, running shaking fingers through Jim's hair. "I'm here, I'll fix this. It will hurt, but I'm here, and I'll make it better."

 

"Okay, Bones." Jim strains to say, gulping noisily. He knows what Leonard is about to do, and based on the first aid videos he's seen back in the Academy it doesn't look especially pleasant. "Do it."

 

Leonard squeezes Jim's hand in reassurance, and gets into position.

 

* * *

 

 

"Jim, talk to me."

 

"Mrgghhhurts." Jim feels a shifting coldness on his neck, and he hisses when it hits a sore spot.

 

"Does your head hurt as bad?"

 

"Not so much." Jim woozily stares upwards and sees a grey ceiling. The Iranian man probably took them back into his house. "Didn't you scan me?"

 

"My tricorder can only do so much." Leonard repositions the ice pack gently against Jim's relocated shoulder. "God, Jim. That was a really stupid thing to do."

 

"I was determined."

 

"You can't expect your luck to bail you out every time, kid!" Leonard's voice is harsh, desperate. "What if I hadn't looked back in time? What if I'd just sprinted off without you and didn't notice until it was too late? If you had fallen just a little differently, you could have broken your neck, Jim." His hand shakes as he holds on to Jim's, belying his steady demeanor.

 

Jim laces their fingers together. "Bones, I'm sorry. I'll be more careful next time, really I will."

 

"Bullshit, as your CMO I'm officially prohibiting all racing activities until further consideration."

 

Jim pulls a face. "But then how am I ever gonna get that kiss?"

 

Leonard growls, pressing the ice pack harder into heated skin. Jim yelps. "Oh, I don't know Jim, I suppose you could just _ask_ like a normal human being?"

 

Jim blinks and his mouth falls open, just a bit. “That’s it? It’s that easy? So if I say, ‘Hey Bones, can I get a kiss—”

 

The crash of Leonard’s mouth against his ruins whatever else he was going to say. Bones nips at his lips and licks the seam, fights his way into Jim’s mouth and groans when he is victorious. Jim hums in suprise, because _damn_ Bones is an aggressive kisser, and Jim _loves_ it.

 

When they part, Bones has fire in his eyes and Jim feels the burn on his skin like a lick of flames.

 

“Definitely worth the pain.”

 

“You’re a dumbass, Jim.” Bones says severely.

 

Jim smiles at the quip. “I love you too, Bones.”

 

Bones’ blush is a sight to behold.

 

“Damn idiot. You’re getting a plateful of braised asparagus for dinner.”

 

Jim whines loudly, as expected.

 


End file.
